Russian Missile Silo

under Portsdown 

(April Fool 2006)

 Created 01-04-2006   Last update 01-04-2010


Around mid-March I met Major Valeri Petrofsky, a 1960s KGB agent of the former USSR, and he unravelled a story which will shake the foundations of the modern western world.

Shortly after the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 the leader of the Soviet Union Nikita Khrushchev was so enraged by his humiliation in front of the world's press that he ordered Russian nuclear missiles to be installed in secret in Britain - по любой стоимости - at any cost. 

Incredibly the missiles were not targeted at British cities but at those in the USSR! The reason being that the Soviets could launch a minor nuclear attack upon themselves from apparently British sites and then claim that the west had made a pre-emptive strike thereby paving the way for massive Soviet nuclear retaliation.

Only one silo became operational in the UK and that was located underneath Portsdown. Major Petrofsky explained that they rented the land from the Ministry of Defence on the pretense of oil exploration. The entire planning department at Portsmouth City Council were bought off with free holidays at Anapa on the Black Sea and work progressed unimpeded. Irish laborers were employed for the construction work and were told they were building an Olympic swimming pool.  Parts for the missile were smuggled into the UK in containers of Beluga caviar and the missile technicians gained entry by posing a troupe of Cossack dancers.  

The missile was not decommissioned until 1987 as a result of the Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces Treaty (INF). Apparently Gorbachev did not even know the silo existed. Major Petrofsky said that the missile was broken up and sold for scrap on which he made a tidy profit. About the fissile material from the bomb assembly the Major says, "We dumped it on the doorstep of Windscale and let them deal with it. They could hardly refuse could they?"

More to follow...  



Work commenced on the silo in June 1964. Here the shuttering is being removed after a concrete pour. According to the Major they would sit around a campfire at night drinking Vodka and eating irradiated Caviar whilst singing Russian folk songs accompanied by an Irish Fiddler. "No one bothered us", he said "they thought we were Gypsies". 


By February 1965 the silo was almost complete. The spoil from it was dumped in Paulsgrove chalk pit and was re-excavated in the 1970s to build the M275 Motorway 


The LIRPALOOF (SS1406) missile in the Portsdown silo. It became operational during November 1965 and had a yield of 25 megatons. The Ukrainian crew used to supplement their wages by selling clothes pegs and lucky heather on the Paulsgrove and Wymering estates. 


This is the entrance to the underground complex on the north side of Portsdown which Major Petrofsky unlocked with the original key. The counterweighted hatch still opens with ease. We did not enter the complex as the air quality was doubtful. I cannot reveal the precise location until the relevant authorities have completed their examination.


Major Petrofsky in the Kremlin Rose Garden back in 1962 shortly after Khrushchev issued him with his orders. "I was so young then", said the Major, "anything seemed possible".

Copyright Major Petrofsky